the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hippo gnu deer
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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