sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize