i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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