The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He felt like a one man threesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
