He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
