none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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