can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
