tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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