Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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