im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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