I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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