Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
