tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
