We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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