If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
