I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
