There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
