Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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