I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
