just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
