I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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