Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
