i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
