theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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