so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
