Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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