He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
