You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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