I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
