He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
