On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
