don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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