Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
