I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
