she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
