the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
