suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
