what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
