Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
