It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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