the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
