I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
