How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
