i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
