i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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