Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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