***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
