I faked an abortion last night.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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