I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
