Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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