I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
