I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
