party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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