I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
