I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
