he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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