Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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