Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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