Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
