I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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