I puked a lego.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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