I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
