worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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