i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
