i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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