I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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