Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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