I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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