Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
