I want you more than these girls want KFC
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
