It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
