I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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