Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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