i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
