So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
