He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were destined to go to rehab together
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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