The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
