he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
